Start talking to women with a clear and precise objective in mind.
Upon first contact, the goal is to break the ice. Upon second contact, you must establish trust and build rapport. Third is to develop romantic feelings. Fourth is to develop a next date…along the way it is crucial that you keep yourself focused on the outcome.
By “contact” I didn’t mean “date”! Contacts compose the sequence you should follow to make women fall in love. All contacts can happen one after another the first time a woman meets you. In fact, the faster you move into the relationship, the more wildly women fantasize, the better it is for you.
The famous 3-second rule never ceased to amaze me. Simply stated, the 3-second rule commands you to approach a woman you like in 3 seconds after noticing her. For example, a hot babe catches your eyes at a party or a bar. Immediately you should smile at her and start walking towards her. You are allowed a “buffer time” of no more than 3 seconds.
If you stick to the 3-second rule, you’ll establish an image of decisiveness and strong confidence. Women love such demonstration of masculinity. Also, in 3 seconds you won’t have time to think of the excuses why you shouldn’t take action.
This rule always brought me pleasant surprises especially when I started out, because women (even the hot ones) reacted so much more positively than those times when I allowed myself more time to muster up my courage. Test it out and you’ll never regret it. Maybe for the first time you’d say, “I really did that! But hey, that’s me… I’m glad I did it anyway!”
Here’s a trick that never failed me. You can approach a woman as soon as you see her and say, “Remember me?” She’d invariably reply, “No.” and you can say, “You will!” The next time you walk by her (maybe in a few minutes) you can say, “Remember me now?” and add “…from just now…” and smile.
You’ll love it.
What happens if you miss your chance? What else can you do besides cursing yourself?
Well, you can always go back to her and use this line:
“Do you believe in love at first sight (pause) or should I walk by again?”
Michael Cunningham, a psychology professor at the University of Louisville, spent many years studying the success rate of various approaches and pick up lines. In the 1980’s he sent graduate students out to bars to do “field research” and the findings were not too surprising.
He found that the direct approach was the best. The most successful line was, “I feel a little embarrassed about this, but I’d like to meet you.” The runner-up line was, “What do you think of the band?” Running a close third was the obvious, “hi.” It worked nearly as well as the others.
On the other hand, many other “experts” claim that pick up lines simply don’t work. Monica Moore, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Webster University in St. Louis, as quoted in Sex: a Man’s Guide, by Bechtel is one of them.
Dr. Monica has been studying courtship issues since 1978 and claims that women have sized you up and decided whether or not they will sleep with you within the first few seconds of meeting, regardless of the pickup lines you use.
She commented that “picking up women is more of a process than an event. It is a sensual dance between a man and a woman, enticing the other into deeper and deeper levels of intrigue and sexual tension.”
Here’s my take on this: either opinion could be true. Pick up lines may work or may not, just like body language. But that’s not the most important thing.
The most important thing is whether you have the courage to risk rejection. No one in his right mind likes rejection, but the truth of the matter is that if you’re only willing to pick up a woman with absolute certainty you’ll probably never pick up one, because we simply don’t know whether our pick up lines or our body languages are right, until we test them out.
Let’s put it more logically. If you don’t take action, you definitely won’t get the women you want. If you do, you might or you might not. Where does your only chance lie? Well, logically we all know that. It’s the emotional impediments that stop us from approaching (beautiful) women.
You need to step out of your own shoes and take the role of an observer. Treat everything as an experiment. See yourself as a “dealer” instead of a “player”. And don’t forget—the power of humor you develop as you read through this book will dramatically lower the risk of rejection.
You can always consider practicing first before going out to the real world (but just don’t use it as an excuse to avoid taking action). Simply record yourself delivering a pick up line either with a tape recorder or a computer. Imagine you are meeting a new woman. What would you say and how would you reply? Play it back to hear yourself, adjust the details, repeat until you’re half-ready (you might never think you’re ready enough) and then go out to test it out.
Rapport is a relationship marked by harmony, affection and mutual respect. When you’re in rapport with a woman, she’ll treat you like a close friend whom she’s ready to confide in. With an overwhelming urge to understand as well as to be understood, she’ll find everything between you and her agreeable.
Potentially, you can make her do anything if there’s a strong rapport between you and her. She’ll look at you as though she’s looking at herself. In some instances, she’ll think she has found her “soul mate”.
Moreover, when two people come into rapport naturally, their body language tends to coincide. They begin to “speak the same language”. And they seem to go through the same kind of emotion and exhibit similar reactions to the environment and any other external events.
In order to effectively build rapport with a woman, you should start to pace her, or mirror her actions. Simply perform similar or even identical actions as she does. For example, if she frequently gestures with her left hand while speaking, do the same. Believe me, 99% of the time she won’t notice it. If she does notice, you’ve probably overdone it. Just tell her something like, “Oh I’m sorry I didn’t realize that”… with an innocent look.
It’ll be as if you are holding a mirror up to her so what she sees, hears, or feels matches her reality and she sees another self in you.
The two of you will “become one”.
Here are some suggestions on rapport building with a woman:
- Autosuggestion. Repeat this line silently: “We’re like each other and you can count on me.” (No, it’s not silly) Some people call this “affirmation”, and it’s a technique salespeople often use to increase confidence (“They’ll buy from me, they will buy from me…”) as well as what motivational speakers tell their audience to.
- Pace her speech rate. It might feel unnatural at first, but you’ll get used to it in a few minutes and it’ll become an automatic part of your own behavior. And don’t worry. She won’t notice it.
- Practice rapport building systematically. It’s a good idea to practice pacing one thing at a time: posture, facial expression, mood, gestures, speech rate, and so on. After you become adept at pacing, you will be able do it without thinking about it.
- Practice rapport building frequently. Build rapport in real life whenever you can. For example, you can practice sitting in the same position as a woman you’re watching. Modify accordingly of course—you don’t want to sit with legs crossed all the time.
- Develop a strong sensory acuity. When you practice rapport building and pace other people’s body language, tonality… pay attention to how the other party reacts and how your own feelings change as you adopt different or even conflicting body languages. This will sharpen your sensory acuity in identifying how women are feeling during contacts.
Most women can tell instantly whether you are flirting with them or not.
When you are not flirting you are just holding “normal” conversations and observing all social norms and courtesy, but when you are flirting you are playing with her, and it’s obvious (at least you should make it obvious) that you are not being serious.
For example, if you say to a woman “Hi, you look very attractive. You probably have a boyfriend, right?” in a normal tone, you’re not flirting. But if you say “Hi, I realize that you’re not getting attention from men… so I thought it’d be polite to come here and pay attention to you” in an obviously joking tone…you’re flirting.
All I’m saying is that there is a big difference between normal conversation (reads: boring and never leading to sexual tension and attraction) and flirting. In most cases the latter comes after the former.
Keep in mind that flirting is “adult verbal play” but does not equal “sex talk”. The latter is a big no-no in most encounters whatsoever. By starting a sexual innuendo too soon, you’ll probably never get the chance to continue the conversation, contrary to what many Hollywood movies want you to believe.
Needless to say, humor is the central element of flirting. If you can crack a joke at any time and make a woman laugh while at the same time directing her gradually towards sexual content, you are one step closer to bringing her to your bed.
Check out my bonus booklet “Flirting Mastery” to become a “flirting machine” (if that’s what you want).