Once you can locate the right target to joke about or the topic that she finds funny, you’re already half successful.
This is probably not surprising to you. The most appreciated humor and the safest is self-depreciating humor. Why make fun of yourself (in a positive way of course)? Because it is the least offensive subject, it shows you’re easygoing and also brings many other benefits.
By The Rule of Reciprocity she would soon reveal her inner world, or make fun of herself, which means you two are a lot closer than when you first meet.
The rule of reciprocity applies in all culture and states that when someone gives you something you will feel obliged to return the favor. This rule evolved in societies as a binding mechanism, since “give-and-take” is advantageous to the survival and success of the group as a whole because it creates bonds of obligation among people.
One of the most potent weapons of influence around us is the rule for reciprocation. The rule says that we should try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us.Robert B. Cialdini, author of Influence
Brainstorm for yourself right now.
Take a piece of paper and write down your weaknesses and strengths, the interesting things that happened lately. I’m sure you are able to crack a dozen jokes on those easily.
I’m serious. Don’t put it off. Write those down now.
You might have noticed that a woman in a group tends not to respond to humor very well sometimes. That’s social proof at work.
You see, if she reacts to you favorably too soon, she risks losing her status in her peer group because then she would appear too easy (or worse: the easiest) to entertain or please (too “cheap”). So even if she likes you, she won’t respond to you as favorably as she would if she’s by herself.
How do you deal with that?
Keep in mind that you eventually have to isolate the woman you want to talk to. It’s not smart to try to make a woman fall in love, whether you use humor or not, when she’s in a group.
Here I offer you two very practical tricks to accomplish the task.
- Simply gesture her to come to you. There could be two interpretation of her action if she comes. First, she’s easy to “summon”. Two, she’s the special one in the group.
From experience I know the second is true most of the time.After she comes over you can ask with a smile, “Are those your friends?” She’d say yes. And then you say, “You all look gorgeous, but I think you’re the prettiest…just take a look at them…” and she will.
At this moment wave to the entire group with smile and say to her playfully, “Smile and say hi!” Chances are she’ll be obliged to do that.
At this point you can say, “Pleasure to meet you. Please pretend that you don’t know me after going back.” She’ll probably say something like, “I don’t know you in the first place!” To that you can reply, “Good acting. That’s what I mean!”
If you do this very happily (make sure she realizes you’re just playing not a jerk by using the right body language) and confidently, she’ll be attracted and intrigued by you immediately.
To the group of her friends you appear to be an acquaintance of hers. But she’ll tell them she has never met you before but she can’t release what you’ve told her either (because you’ve told she’s the prettiest among them). What’s more, during this process, you’ve raised her social status.
- If you think the above sounds a bit crazy, approach the group with a friend (I don’t recommend going alone, because however heroic you might appear, you have less chance—which is not smart—you gotta be clear what your objective is) and have him attract the attention of the group while you can selectively talk to the girl you’re interested in. Your friend probably won’t get anything out of it except for some good practice. Hope he’d be okay with such sacrifice.
When choosing a target other than yourself, keep this in mind: whichever target you choose, it should serve to reinforce her idea, ideology, status quo, or pre-existing prejudices, otherwise it won’t work. Avoid being offensive and insulting at all times.
Generally speaking, it’s much better to joke about someone or something that both you and she are familiar with. That’s why people often assign names of politicians, movie stars, professors, common friends, etc. to the characters in jokes which otherwise aren’t funny.
Find out what type of people she likes and doesn’t like. If you don’t have a clue, choose places and ideas as targets first.
For places, talk about cities and countries. Always keep a lookout for the stereotypes of cities and countries:
New York is noisy, fast-moving, happening. Paris is romantic. England is all about Shakespeare, Big Ben, bowler hat, bad weather, old-fashioned gentlemen…
For ideas, “attack” current issues. Newspaper never fails to provide enough material for joking. Also, women love sophistication. So philosophy is a good choice. Don’t be mistaken that philosophy is always boring and insipid. It can be fun as well—if you know how to make fun of it. Use the list of logical fallacies (check out the bonus “Logical Fallacies”) as both a weapon to analyze her speech and other people’s argument as well as material for jokes.
For people, celebrities are good topics, but again, find out who she doesn’t like first before making fun of any of them (you may even consider making fun of her by comparing her to one of the celebrities—it’s a kind of flattery some time).
Finally, a word on sex. Let’s face it: sooner or later you’d have to and want to deal with this topic. However, bear in mind that rushing to it will do you more harm than good.
You don’t want to appear too flippant or desperate, but at the same time you always want to remind her of your role as a potential lover.